Saturday, May 13, 2006

Mother-Daughter Tea

Today was our fifth annual Mother-Daughter Tea at our church. This year I hosted a table, and was very nervous about it. In the past, the tables have been set with elegant, beautiful china, silver, and glass. I've never owned china, other than everyday dishes, so this was a challenge. My ex, when he was in Germany, bought china for both of the kids, so they each had a set, and although both are married and live away, I happen to have both sets here. Anita (my buddy) has her grandmother's collection of antique teacups. My son in law has his mother's collection of carnival glass...and with the help of all these people, my table came together perfectly. The carnival glass is iridescent, blue-green. So I used the pitcher for water, an oval bowl filled with white lilacs for a centerpiece, and goblets for water. The china came in a setting for 6 for both kids, so I used 4 plates from each set, alternating them. Both are pure white. I happen to have a white china teapot which was a wedding gift in 1971, and I borrowed the tableware from the church. The table was so pretty! With a plain white tablecloth, it was all blue(-green) and white. Stunning, and I was so pleased.

But there was a moment when my beautiful daughter suddenly left the table. Oh, the bathroom, I thought. But I noticed she looked upset. Quite a long time passed, and she didn't return... where is she? I wondered. Many of the younger moms in our congregation had brought their little daughters; pretty little 2 and 3 year olds playing and dancing...any my dear, precious child began to think of the daughter she gave birth to 3 years ago. Little Amelia, who lived only a few hours.

Once upon a time when my little girl was sad, I could kiss her and hold her and make everything better. And today I could do nothing. I held her, I kissed her, and I cried with her.

Mother's Day is so bittersweet. I know that when I gave birth to James 33 years ago, my mother grieved and wished she could take away the pain that his death brought to me. I went on to have 2 children who have become 2 of the finest adults I have the privilege of knowing; and nothing will ever take away my longing for that firstborn child. We parents long to protect our children from the pain of this world, knowing we can't... I'm so sorry this day was not a celebration for my daughter. That is, until she went home and held our little guy. What a joy!


Seeker said...

I am so sorry for your loss, and your daughter's. Losing a child has to be one of the hardest things there is. Our first grandchild was a stillborn girl, almost three years ago.
I know that special days can recall the wounds of heartbreak, and Mother's Day is a very special day. May God be your daughter's (and your) peace.

Hannelie said...

I don't know what to say to take your pain away; but I'm thinking of you.
We came close to loosing a child last year and that was hard enough, but luckily our little man is now doing just mighty fine.