Saturday, November 25, 2006

Letting People Down

I have a dear friend who frequently tells me how much she admires me for always taking care of myself. To me, it feels like surviving. Maybe the two aren't that far apart.

I have another dear friend who always says "yes." Teach Sunday School? Be in charge of Vacation Bible School? Emcee the school talent show? Have 1200 people over for Thanksgiving? She seems to thrive on doing so much, and everything is always done well.

Several weeks ago at a meeting at church I volunteered to make some posters for our Hanging of the Greens (all-church decorating for Christmas), and for the Christmas Revels (a custom brought to us from England by one of our parishioners, to add to the seasonal celebration). Of course, I didn't know at the time that I would be dealing with some difficult personal issues that might get in the way.

So the posters aren't done. I've stepped down and away from my obligations at church. I can't step away from my job without giving up my living, and something had to give. I already had given up a great deal of my personal pleasures. I can't see to drive to Calligraphy Guild or Writer's Roundtable, and even if I could, I'm too tired after all the other obligations are met. I'm feeling pretty badly about all of this, frankly. Resentment that my job and my health are taking such a toll. Sadness that I have let people down. Physical pain. Emotional pain.

Maybe things are getting better. I hope so. I did vacuum most of the house yesterday, and it has been a couple of months... Living alone isn't always a bowl of cherries.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

At least you have been to Calligraphy Guild, I always want to learn the proper way. I try my own style - sort of - and have never been. Remember when life closes one door it sometimes opens another.