Monday, November 26, 2007

Ick! Ick! Ick!

My wound is really icky tonight. Dr told me to take the bandaging off when I shower and to wash it with soap and water and let it dry, then paint it with Betadine and rebandage it. I just looked, and it is draining again and looks really awful. It kind of reminds me of worms on the sidewalk after a drenching rain.

People keep asking me how my appetite is. I don't know what to answer. I have no trouble eating, but I can't come up with anything I even want to eat. I really have no appetite. I'm thirsty, though.

So it's a balancing act between taking all of my pills and checking my sugars and keeping everything 'right.'

I'm probably lucky and blessed to have been able to have this surgery and prevent any damage to my heart. The only choice I had in the matter was yes or no to the surgery. No would have meant an eventual heart attack. My back hurts all the time. Today I was thinking about how far I have come in the 3 weeks since the surgery. I enjoy being on the computer and sitting in my chair knitting and crocheting. Today I completed a bootie that looks like a bootie. I'm kind of lonely though. I think it will be nice to get back to work in January and reclaim my job from the sub. I've had a couple of very nice cards from my schools with lots of good wishes. Company for a little while with some gossip would be even better.

An email today from an old High School friend, was very encouraging. He says that yes, I will be able to lift the grandchildren again, and eventually I'll have more energy and interest in things. Dr Chen was very encouraging about my proposed trip to Houston for Christmas. I have to get tickets in the works for that. I've figured out what to give the grands, which helps me feel more enthusiastic about the trip. I start cardiac rehab on Thursday. I wonder what time? I'll have to call and find out. I know I wrote it down somewhere...

I've lost a lot of weight through the surgery, and I want that to continue. And I am nearly done with Jack's Christmas stocking, and will be starting the stockings for the girls in a few weeks. That will complete a series of six counted cross stitch Christmas stockings for my six little grands.

I'm tired. Bedtime.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I'm just Crabby

My Jack has a tee shirt that says, "I'm a little crabby." Mine would have to proclaim, "I'm a big crabby" or "I'm a Lot Crabby."

I hurt everywhere I have, and I'm lonely and bored. Daytime tv isn't very good. I'm partway through 3 different books, all of them excellent so far. No cookies, no chips, nothing in the house that tempts my appetite. The only thing that brightens these days is having Cassie and the babies come over. Jack was a Wild Child today. We went to Shari's for lunch, and he was lying on the table, playing in his plate of pancakes, sassing his mama. Mama was very patient. He tripped over my last nerve on his way to being in Big Trouble, Mister

I have been knitting like mad since I came out of the hospital. That was a trip: I had phone calls from all over the world: one from Perth, Australia, another from Jerusalem, Israel, and a third from Texas. Faces I haven't seen in years appeared. John, my other son, showed up, and I didn't realize who he was.. I have a major ugly scar on my chest, and all I really want to do is sleep. The drier is full, and so is the washer. Just try and have a clean nightgown, Old Woman. Good luck.

Dr Chen reminded me today that I am only 18 days out of surgery, and to be patient. He said the next 18 days might make a huge difference in how I feel and what I can do. I wish I could bend down to pick up stuff that's all over the floor. Cassie comes by and keeps up with the kitchen, bless her. Still, there is clutter everywhere around me.

I'm ready to move on a little bit.

Friday, November 16, 2007


I fell out of bed last night, and couldn't get up again. I landed on my knees, and fortunately, had cushiioned my chest with a pillow. At the time, I didn't feel hurt, just jarred. The hospital staff and visiting nurses had gleefully regaled me with horror stories of incisions coming apart, and stapled breastbones coming undone, so I was very frightened as I knealt there repeatedly dialing Cassie's number, and praying loudly that God would give her a shove so she would hear the phone. I was covered in a sheen of sweat by the time she got to the house and hoisted me back to my feet. I called the surgeon's office today to tell them what happened and ask what I should do about it... "Jerry" the PA, told me I was probably fine, and I was feeling fairly fine. He asked if I was having chest pain and if I felt anything shifting in my chest---ICK! Then he lectured me about not walking every day and not using the breathing apparatus 10 times every hour, telling me I wouldn't get better if I don't do the things that will help me get better. Here's what I want to know: will I ever be able to pick up Jack again? Will I be able to vacuum my house? Shove furniture around?There. I just did 10 deep breaths, and it does hurt to do that. I'm half afraid I'll have to start coughing if I do it. Coughing is painful; I have to press a cushion to my chest in order to cough.I walked after talking to Jerry, and got as far as the camper in front of the neighbor's house, before I had to stop and lean against it and cough. This cold, damp air, seems to make the coughing happen more.I don't even know for sure what day this is. My friend Mary has called to see how I'm doing. I have to admit to feeling just a tiny bit neglected. Church has been wonderful: people bringing meals every evening. Last night was a roast chicken and mashed potatoes, we've had casseroles with rice, macaroni, chicken, and veggies, some wonderful food. Now that I have been on the receiving end, I will be more willing to volunteer when someone else needs help. I'm craving chocolate cake tonight, and no one has brought that yet. Cassie wrote a lovely Thank You for the church newsletter to thank everyone for helping so much. I r4eally could use a little company. I love Jack, but our conversations are fairly limited. The visiting nurse is changing my dressing daily, and packing it with steri-strips. I really like the visiting nurses; they are competent, very pleasant, have a good sense of humor and help me to feel better

Jack and I have been watchng Veggitales: The Wizard of HA's (the story of the Prodigal
Son). If you aren't familiar with Veggitales, I encourage you to watch some of the videos. They are very cleverly written, and funny.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Coming Right Alongq

People keep being pleased with how well I'm coming along after the bypass surgery...I wish I believed that more. I'm darn tired of hurting. One, two years...for the scar to heal over. It gives me the creeps to look at it with those huge stitches that look like someone was sewing a saddle together. My blood pressure is excellent, and so is my pulse, and the oxygen I'm intaking...the surgery was a resounding success, according to the doctor. Apparently this depression is common with open heart surgery, and I understand that I will feel good again some day. I want to go dancing and buy pretty clothes. And find a wellto-do man to love me. And I want to eat ice cream with hot fudge. And enjoy my convalescence. Another doctor appt on Wednesday, this time with the surgeon, and maybe we will talk about how long the convalescence will last. My therapist is thinking I shouldn't go back until January, and I like that idea. It will make Christmas much nicer, to be able to go to Houston unencumbered with deadlines. I've been knitting a lot, without much success. Another thing that seems to be a by-product of the surgery. Today the dr said that the heart surgery for some reason really affects cognitive functioning. Which is probably why the knitting doesn't make any sense. I cam dp ot bu rpte. bit a, mpt gettomg amuwjere semsob;e wotj ot/// amd O cam
t tu[t amu ,pre/ t fomd tje rogjt leus. mp ,atter jpw carefi;;u O ;ppl/

Friday, November 9, 2007

y high school had it's 40th reunion in Oct. I have been in touch with old classmates, and it feels a little like discovering unknown relatives. Pretty cool, reallly. I'm glad to be back in toujch with many of these people.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Jp,e os tje Jimter. jp,e frp, tje jo;;. amd tje Sao;pr Jp,e frp, tje Sea///

^jos ;ome was tje omtrpdictopm tp a ,pvoe tjat sjpi;d jave beem better tjam O re,e,ber ot beomg/ Somce O ca,e jp,e frp, tje jps[ota;. ,u fomgers cammpt fomd tje rogjt leus/ Everutjomg ;ppls ;ole govverosj/ O camt cp,e i[ wotj amutjomg om ,u searcjes/