Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Monday, June 30, 2008

Time to check in with myself. I may have lost a pound, but I am not counting on that. My nerves are shot. I cannot get through a week without needing pepto bismol or kaopectate. It really wipes me out. On the plus side, I can proudly tell Oprah that I have not eaten within 2 hours of bedtime, and I have moved in some way every day. Some days I made it to Curves, other days I did the treadmill, anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. This week it was 20 and my hip and leg are in a lot of pain. Perhaps I should cut down to five minutes per day, every day, and build up more slowly. I have cut out nearly all fast food and Ihave had no booze in weeks. I call this progress. I feel better.

I feel better enugh that I don't know why Im still single. I did meet a gentleman last week, through an online dating service. Understand that I use the term "gentleman" very loosely. The only thing this dude had in common with a gentleman was gender. His first comment to me was that my breasts were not quite as large ashe hoped they would be. Mea culpa. He did not understand bra sizing at all. Next was the inspection of my home: "How can you stand all this clutter?" "I don't look at it." Moral: where were you when your mother was teaching you manners? So far I am incredibly impressed with this man. He did say that his ultimate goal was marriage and he didn't want to bother if that wasn't my goal also. I see this twit as a control freak. He wants marriage so he can force his wife to meet his demanding appeites. I told him he needed to be looking into a bdsm site for a potential bride. Without going any further into this whole thing...I think he is too arrogant to recognise himself here. And yet...there was something kind of appealing about this poor little dude: a deep vulnerability and need to punish himself and humiliate himself. For what, I wonder? I find myself thinking of him the same way I did the Drunk. If only the right someone loved him enough, he could be healed. He needs deep, ongoing psychotherapy This little guy is so self-absorbed, he doesn't even know when there is another person in the room. Forunately for me, he decided I wasn't right for him. I am so proud of standing my ground and not giving in to his odd appetites. Mind, this guy will show up in one of my stories one day. He is 'way too interesting to pass up.

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