Thursday, May 27, 2010

Two Little Pills

I resent being labeled bi-polar. I am angry with God for making me this way. Being bi-polar means I have had few happy days in my life. Contrary to popular opinion, some bi-polars have only one extreme mood: depression. Lately, I've been off two of my meds which are critical to treat this problem.

I take a boatload of pills daily, and when these two ran out, I just forgot to refill them, and didn't really notice that I was taking fewer pills. It took about two months before I crashed, and believe me, you would not want a crash like this. At first I found myself overeating; then the anger set in. I spent days crying and screaming. Screaming at my shoes for not feeling right on my feet, screaming at God for making me this way...and just screaming in general. I would get in the shower and cry and scream. The only possible end I could see to the misery was to get rid of me. I had enough pills in the house to do a pretty good job. Instead I emailed my psychiatric care provider, as soon as I realized I had been missing those meds. She called in refills immediately, and spent forty minutes with me today, to help me get back on track. One of my meds will take several weeks to get built up in my system again. She also started me on a third, which will have a more immediate effect - within about three days--so there is a light at the end of this tunnel. At last.

Maybe I can quit hating who I am now.


blueladie said...

Sherry, I am so sorry you are and have been experiencing this. You certainly don't deserve it. You are so very special and you have no idea how much you are loved, by family, friends and one old designing lady in Kentucky.
love, hugs and prayers,

Iris said...

Sherry I wish you didn't have to be bi-polar. I like Cathryn think you deserver better. You are loved by your family and friends. God has blessed you with some wonderful grandchildren in whose eyes you are very special.

Hugs, and prayers.